Benzo Taper and Withdrawals 8
We’re in the middle of the holiday season, and that can be really hard on people. Especially hard for those of us experiencing detox and withdrawal. I’ve had problems during the holiday season long before detox and withdrawals. My history with problems during the holidays goes back to before I was even on benzodiazepines. For me, it can be a very depressing time of year. It’s better than it used to be because I have my family and I love getting to spend time with them. But I know how tough it can be.
Going through withdrawals and detox and dealing with holiday season depression is doubly tough. If this is you, I sincerely hope you find some healthy relief. If you feel alone and have any means of transportation, maybe go somewhere there are a lot of people (take precautions not to get sick, that would only make things worse) and just people watch. In my experience, even if you are just sitting on a bench watching people, someone often will approach and offer kindness in the form of friendly conversation. I particularly remember a time when I was sitting on a park bench just lost in my own despair when an elderly lady approached with her dog and asked if I mind if she sat. We talked for about a half hour before she had to leave. During this conversation she offered some advice that I still remember. She said that this place (the state we reside in) was like a vortex… whatever we focus on is what we get. She pointed out the high crime rate and rampant drug use in the state and also its stunning mountainous beauty as examples. If I focused on the rampant drug use and crime, that’s basically all I’d see. But if I focused on the beauty then that is what I’d notice more.
I think of her and her words from time to time. I’d add to her words about the natural beauty the kindness of strangers like her. She probably didn’t realize it but her words and her kindness have stuck with me to this day. I’ve been having a lot of rough days lately and it’s hard to not focus on the negative when you’re suffering. But I’m trying to focus on the positives and I notice that when I do, I don’t feel as miserable. It’s not a magic pill so to speak but it is powerful. Kinda like that saying about where the mind goes energy follows or something like that.
I have two choices, either accept that life is not going to be easy without benzodiazepines and I have been damaged by them and find a way to heal and learn to deal with PTSD and accompanying anxiety without harmful substances, or go back up on the benzos. Yesterday I was yet again seriously considering going back on the benzodiazepines, but I don’t want to do that. So that leaves only the first choice, keep pushing through. People in the support group that I mentioned in my recent video post who have successfully gotten off benzodiazepines say it takes anywhere from 6 to 18 months from your last dose to start feeling “normal” again. I really, really hope it doesn’t take that long. I hope this gets easier because it seems to me it’s getting harder. If you are going through the same things, I hope it gets easier and better for you also.
Thanks for reading!