Benzo Taper and Withdrawals 13
Since I got about 6 and a half, maybe even 7, hours of sleep last night I’m feeling better today. That is a lot of sleep compared to what I have been getting. I’ve noticed a cycle recently, the withdrawal induced insomnia is so bad that I will go days without any quality sleep whatsoever and then, when I am completely exhausted, I will sleep for 6 hours or so. On the days after I have actually slept, I try to get as much as I can done because I don’t know when the next time I will sleep will be.
Today I want to write about the muscle tension that withdrawals have caused. They are the worst I have ever experienced. I checked around different benzo recovery groups, including the one I’m in, and this is actually quite common. The muscle tension is so bad it interferes with breathing, even during sleep. That’s one of the big problems with my sleep (or lack thereof) these days. I wake up and have to focus very hard on relaxing the muscles in my abdomen, chest, and sides so that I can breath again. Then I fall asleep and the muscles tense again and the cycle goes on and on. Every muscle in my body is very sore and feels weak from the tension. It’s mind boggling how tense the muscles are. I’ve never experienced anything like this.
I don’t trust drugs, with good reason, so I won’t take muscle relaxers and I can’t take ibuprofen because it raises my blood pressure so bad. When it gets to be too much I use gummies that contain CBD and very low doses of THC. The THC content of the gummies I use is only 2 mg, and is the Indica strain. Indica relaxes while Sativa excites. The guy at the dispensary told me to remember Indica as “In da couch” because of its relaxing properties. He was right, it works. When I’m really in pain I use an Indica flower from the dispensary and smoke it. It’s so fast that, and this is no exaggeration, by the time I walk back inside the pain is almost gone. 5 minutes after that all pain is gone. But I save the smoking for “emergencies”, for times I’m hurting so bad I know there’s no way I’ll sleep.
There are many, many people who use cannabis in one form or another to help them taper and withdraw. As one of the people in my recovery group said just yesterday, “I don’t think I could have done this without cannabis”. I wholeheartedly agree with that observation. I don’t think I could have done this or continue to stay off benzos without cannabis. I really don’t know how people who live in states where it isn’t legal do it. Maybe they don’t. I really, really don’t understand the aversion to cannabis some states and people have. It’s worlds safer than alcohol and has proven medical benefits. Having it as another tool in my toolbox to get off benzos has been a life-saver. Even as I type this, my muscles are exhausted and sore, but not to the point that I’m going to smoke. But knowing it’s there, and knowing I won’t go to prison for it, is reassuring. I will use a gummy later in the hope it will allow me to sleep again tonight. States that make using or possessing cannabis a felony really need to catch up and follow the science, not follow outdated and ignorant politics.
Thanks for reading!