Benzo Tapering and Withdrawals 10
Yesterday was a pretty good day, today… not so much. Today definitely hasn’t been as bad as some other bad days I’ve had during tapering and withdrawals, but it’s been rough. About an hour after I woke up this morning, my jaw started hurting on the left side. My mind immediately went to “what if this is a heart attack”. I am, after all, almost 59 years old and I do have diabetes… both of which put me at a statistically much higher risk category than those who are younger and don’t have diabetes. But I also have known TMJ. I know it could also be sinus related, but since my anxiety is already up because of withdrawals, the thought of being sick scares the hell out of me. It could also be a tooth problem, but that too would increase my blood sugars.
The pain is in my face and sometimes makes my left eye sting and water. Then I started having pain in the left side of my neck and in my left shoulder. Those are muscle related though because I can reproduce/cause the pain with movement. Still, my mind goes to all the worst scenarios. That’s part and parcel of benzodiazepine withdrawal. The rational part of my mind understands that this is rebound anxiety, but the other, sometimes more prominent, part of my mind wrecks my peace by dwelling on the what-ifs. It doesn’t help that I didn’t sleep as well last night because of nightmares. That’s the PTSD. I find myself becoming so tense that I don’t breathe correctly, sometimes I even catch myself holding my breath and don’t even realize it until I’m gasping for air.
I really hope I can get some quality sleep tonight, because if I don’t, tomorrow could be a lot worse than today has been. If I do sleep, tomorrow could be a lot better than today has been. I cling to that hope.
Thanks for reading!