Rage, Part 2
As I left off in part one, I hated cops, judges, P.O.s, and anyone associated with the justice system. Even with all the chaos in my life up to that point I wasn’t prepared for what I saw and experienced getting mixed up with the justice system. I saw, and experienced, people in positions of power over others (cops, guards, P.O.s etc.) abuse those who had their freedom taken away in almost every way imaginable. I saw them ruin lives. I experienced them beating the hell out of me and anyone else they saw fit to. I learned firsthand how most people end up in the justice system for so long… forced plea deals. The vast majority of people who are or have been in the justice system don’t have money. The system counts on that. That’s why you don’t see many people with money actually go to jail or prison. They can afford attorneys, very good attorneys. Those of us who can’t either have to rely on a public pretender, otherwise know as a public defender. Either that or an attorney that friends or family can chip in to help hire, and those attorneys don’t care. Plea deals are the norm, not the exception. The public defender or cheap attorney has no interest at all in really fighting for you when they know they aren’t going to make a load of money for doing it. Enter the plea deal. They tell you you’re going to have to go to prison for decades, or maybe even the rest of your life, if you don’t take the plea deal that they’ve made with the prosecution. Virtually everyone takes the plea deal. You don’t even actually get a shot at a shorter sentence from a jury because you’re frightened into accepting the plea deal. If you don’t believe me just do your own research and find out just how many people in prison are there because of a plea deal. They never even saw a jury.
It is my wife who saved my life. She is the most loving and patient person I’ve ever met. Her love and patience have completely changed my life. It’s common to hear people say they don’t know where they’d be without this or that person, but it’s completely accurate in my case. I don’t want to try to imagine what would have happened to me if I hadn’t met her. She has loved me though all my struggles. I still have nightmares and flashbacks but not nearly as often as before. I still struggle with bruxism to the point I think I’m just going to get removeable dentures. If I’m in a crowded place or just see someone who seems out of place I immediately become on guard, ready to attack if there’s any sign of aggression. Having said that, however, compared to how I used to be I am very much improved. Leaving Texas has been one of the healthiest choices we’ve made as far as helping me heal. I’ve loved the mountains of New Mexico since I was very young and had always wanted to live here. Now that dream has come true and I am happier and healthier than I could ever be in Texas.
Before I get any hate for writing negatively about Texas, understand that every single truly bad thing that ever happened to me happened in Texas. It’s insanely hot in Texas. Texas has horrible weather. Texas is the Taliban of the U.S. when it comes to women’s rights. I have my reasons for despising Texas.
Here in New Mexico with my wife and two of my 3 sons I’ve been able to make incredible progress in my healing journey. Changing locations has been incredibly healing for me. And just like with any member of any family, when one of them heals it helps the entire family. I’m not wearing rose colored glasses or blinders, I’m well aware New Mexico isn’t perfect but it’s perfect for me. I’ve done more healing here in 4 years than I did in Texas my entire life there. It’s a longtime dream come true for me to be living here and that’s made it much easier for me to heal and move forward with my life. I’m not angry now, I don’t hate now, all I want to do is enjoy my time with my family and the incredible beauty of the mountains and high desert. I want peace, and I do everything I can to live in peace. I’m just living my life, enjoying my life, and continuing to heal. My regret is that it took so long to get here. But I’m here now and that’s what matters. Have to keep moving forward, not being stuck in the past.
Thanks for reading!